


Winston Churchill, Or He Who Hides Behind a Potted Plant

by Snow



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen, so much crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-27
Updated: 2010-04-27
Packaged: 2017-10-09 04:38:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/83126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snow/pseuds/Snow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Winston Churchill sneaks aboard the TARDIS and is surprised at who he meets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Winston Churchill, Or He Who Hides Behind a Potted Plant

**Author's Note:**

> I make no excuses. But if you haven't seen [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7K-_Kpnc7R0) you probably should.  
> It's not all that relevant, but it _is_ about as cracky as this fic.

Churchill was a very clever man. His cleverness had probably saved the country at least five times, but now he was applying it to more important matters. Like sneaking into the TARDIS without the Doctor noticing.

He'd tried reasoning with the Doctor. He'd tried invoking his for the good of Britain argument. He'd even tried trading Chequers for the equivalent space in the TARDIS, all with no result.

There are times in a man's life when diplomacy fails and he must resort to intrigue and sneaking around. Usually those are the times when the man has forgotten the anniversary of his first date with his now wife, but Churchill paid people to remember that for him and remind him when it got close. But he had not yet found someone he could pay to fetch the TARDIS for him, which simply meant Churchill would have to do it himself.

Churchill was expecting to have someone notice him sneaking around in the vicinity of where the Doctor had parked the TARDIS, hence why he'd prepared the grand speech and protestations of simply doing his duty. As a result, he was quite a bit disappointed that Amy and the Doctor had gone out for a pinch of sightseeing and left the TARDIS completely abandoned. There weren't even any of his soldiers patrolling the corridors!

Also, the TARDIS was locked, but Churchill had been expecting that. Oh had he been expecting it.

He set down the plant he'd been carrying in the corner of the room where the TARDIS stood and stepped behind it. He made sure no one was in hearing range before taking the green wig out of his pocket and placing it on his head, so he would blend in better with the potted plant.

It was a long hour and a half before he heard the Doctor returning. "Now can we go somewhere super exciting?" Churchill could hear Amy Pond asking.

"Exciting like present day Earth, with all the excitement and possibilities your future holds?" the Doctor asked.

"Exciting like an alien planet," she said.

The Doctor unlocked the door of the TARDIS, while Churchill carefully observed from behind his plant. "I'll see what I can do," he said.

Amy bounced up and down a little, and Churchill took advantage of her distraction to pick up the plant and carry it with him as he grabbed the TARDIS door before she shut it behind her.

Still hiding behind the potted plant, clever disguise that it was, Churchill slid along the inside wall of the TARDIS, towards the general hallway. He made it without being seen and set the plant at the entrance of the hallway to hide his retreat. These were tactics his generals could be proud of.

Once in the hallway Churchill saw a conveniently located cupboard. "What a conveniently located cupboard," he said. Clearly the TARDIS liked him more than the Doctor thought she did.

He opened the cupboard, only to see that there was someone in it already.

"Excuse me?" he said politely, for the man did not look like he was German and therefore he deserved politeness.

"I'm trying to hide here!" said the man, in a reassuringly British accent.

"Who are you?" Churchill asked.

"I am the Master and you will obey me," said the Master. "Now in or out, I don't care, just shut the door."

Churchill glanced over at the main area of the TARDIS, where the Doctor appeared to be looking for something, then quickly stepped into the cupboard. "Awfully nice to meet you, Master," he said. "I'm Winston Churchill. So is Master like a school-teacher reference?"

The Master opened his mouth to retort, but then snapped it shut again as Amy's voice drifted into the cupboard, sounding uncomfortably close. "No, I haven't seen your jellied eels, _Doctor_," she said. "I don't know why you think I would have. Have you tried checking in your jellied eel tin."

"I don't have a jellied eel tin, Pond," the Doctor said.

"Exactly the problem," Amy muttered. "Maybe in the cupboard?"

Churchill and the Master froze. Churchill suddenly realised he was still wearing the green wig and wondered if he held it in front of him it would serve the same purpose as the potted plant.

"I guess we won't know if they're in the cupboard or not," Amy said suddenly, her voice receding, "Since it's not my responsibility to find them for you."

"Oh, here they are!" the Doctor's voice filtered through the cupboard door and the Master and Churchill exchanged glances of relief.

"Oi! These are disgusting," he said a moment later.

"Of course they are," Amy Pond said. "They're _jellied eels_."

**Author's Note:**

> I welcome and appreciate all kinds of comments, though I would (obviously) prefer if any criticism was constructive. :)


End file.
